look.

Where on earth do I look?
there are messes of people around me
mountains of debris
To my left I see chaos, uncontrollable disasters
to my right I see pleasures, a jolly kingdom of laughter pulsating
I look ahead and see work, laboring men and women, sweaty backs hunched in a strenuous pull
Behind me stands everyone I know, hundreds of rows and columns of friends, of enemies
Blank faces staring at me, waiting.
I look above and see the Lord, a half smile on His face
He knows I still long to be with him
But he knows I'm half willing
that the world is stroking my back, holding my hand
I am in the Lord's palm, but I'm lying on my stomach with my head peering over the edge
looking to the ground
I've not jumped off, I know I don't want to
But I also know that I have worldly treasures right in my pocket
I know that laziness, greed, lust, pride, and at times, hatred
linger there, getting the attention they certainly don't deserve.
Where do I look?
Above. I must look above. I know I must.
but where does my heart lie?
where is my trust?
I need to remember.
Time to empty your pockets.

new beginnings.

maybe I don't want to fix things.
maybe I want them to stay how they are,
remain completely imperfect.
I always try so hard to win people over
to keep things steady
I beat myself up over the pettiest of quarrels.
But maybe I shouldn't.
I normally would never think such things.
Normally I would try to start small talk
(which takes so much for me)
I'd worry endlessly
I'd do anything for normalcy
I'd be a pouty little baby about it.
But this time, maybe things should be different.
Maybe I'll try not trying.
I'm just going to live my life
and not fret
and not struggle.
I'm just going to keep moving forward
and if things fall behind me and can't catch up
so be it.
so be it.
college next year.
that's where my head is.
I'm not even here right now.
All these things will soon be nothing
not even a memory.
the true will run alongside me
The others, well they'll do what they do.
I choose to be happy.
I choose to not care about what people think about me
I choose to not let people's actions dig into me anymore.
All will be forgotten.
All will be forgiven.
so be it.
It's all okay.

true

I know it's real
when I can lay on your belly and feel like one of your body parts.
when you hug me and your arms act as the strongest steel.
Nothing can hurt me.
I know it's real
when we can laugh at my deepest secrets,
when I miss you after only an hour,
when I could listen to your unsteady heart beat all day long.
I know it's real
when one hundred men could flirt with me
and all I'd rather do is hear your voice.
when you look at me and I feel like the most desirable thing on the earth.
when I look at you and see forever and ever.
I just know
when I can talk all day
with some knowledge and wit
and the moment love comes out of your mouth
I shut up
and can only grin and grin and grin and rub your hand.
It's absolutely real.

I've never been so sure.

Godspeed bumblebee

Everything you say stings bumblebee.
You think you're adorable.
But you only sting.
That's all you ever do, bumblebee.
You fly around in your colorful coat
you flaunt your wings like that's all that matters
You never gather honey.
If anything, you toss the honey at us all.
It's your mess.
Instead of cleaning it, you ignore it
you justify it.
It's not okay anymore little bumblebee.
What will be left of you?
What will remain?
A shameful legacy.
Your wings will tatter, bumblebee
Your flight will fail someday
And which of your comrades will carry you?
No one, bumblebee, no one.
Because you drop us all.
You would never carry me.
You would never carry anyone.
Good luck, bumblebee.
Godspeed.