long.

ulll
ughgh
Sometimes I just get so upset.
Secretly irate even.
I have a lot of friends so I shouldn't complain
and they all appreciate me and love me and such
but the ONE person I want to love me and appreciate me the most,
simply doesn't.
I feel like I'm not pretty enough
like I'm not witty enough
like I'm not unique enough
and maybe I'm not.
And I'm being foolish by even caring about this
which makes me even more undesirable probably.
I wouldn't doubt it.
I just feel awful, immeasurably low sometimes.
and yet I'm willing to put it all aside just to hang out with this person
even if it is just in private
even if I'm thrown aside in public
and ignored
even if the other friends don't have a clue who I am
and don't care to.
even though it rips me up inside.
pathetic actually.
It's crazy but that's how much I care about this person,
even though this person practically hides me
while I'm willing to loudspeaker the entire universe
telling it how much this person means to me.
Isn't it ironic?
how all my inspirations for everything come from this one person.
every piece of art I create,
every place in the world I'd like to go,
is derived from the million places in my mind
that contain just the thought of this one person.
I let these familiar lions of emotions loose once,
I did,
and they ate up all the hard feelings.
and things were fine.
and then the hard feelings arose from the dead
in a grotesque zombie manner.
and now these cowardly lions retreat in terror.
if these were brought out again would they just be killed?
would they fix anything at all?
probably not.
so tears, stay in your sponge.
Maybe this person cannot change.
Maybe I need to move on
quit being such a foolish 13 year old girl.
But then
I can't.
because I love this person.
despite despite despite.
and that's all there is to it.