And

No one knows where to go.
No one in the world.
In the old days, it was up or down
Now it's sideways
and backwards
and through
and around
and under.
And no one has any clue as to what's the best way.
And no one knows where the hell to look
And we all wonder where our lovers are
We all wonder where the time has gone
And we all fly someone else's airplane
and it only goes under
We forget that the elevator goes up
and the bicycle goes sideways
And we realize we want the bicycle,
but the airplane is cozy
And who would give that up?
So we watch the bicycle
as we dip under
and under
and we never go through
and we never find lovers who go sideways
And we never go around
and we never learn about the latter.
And we pout in our planes.
And we remain below.
And we'll never know.
Only below.

where

I felt blank working all day.
No tornadoes or fireworks.
It was dust,
A taupe canvas and a doctor's waiting room.
I didn't see any sun or any color
I didn't think about third-world countries
I didn't think about love or new life.
No philosophy
No jumping jacks
No gypsies
No music.

I saw nothing
I thought nothing
I was nothing.


Damnit, there's got to be more.

middle

I don't have the highest of hopes lately.
They rest in a middle grey area
a little fog above my head
I don't know where I'm going
Few things are in focus
like a shitty camera
There are a few things piecing me together at this time
But as far as careers
money
a "life"
I haven't got a clue.
So I'll just linger in this fog
and wait for a strong gust of wind to sweep it away
Whatev.
It's not the time to be wishing it away
or being jealous of blue sky kids.
It's the time to wait it out
Maybe play with it a little,
paint it,
and just await its departure.
It's better than a hurricane.

sins.

After the string was all tangled in knots
I pulled it ,
knowing
it would only tighten the twists
knowing that the more I pulled
the harder it'd be.
but I kept pulling.
Sometimes I would half-heartedly try undoing a loop
but then I'd retie it.
And then I would pull.
I would make more knots
and I would pull them harder.
Sometimes I would only tell them to untangle
somewhat expecting them to jump through each other
and create a solution.
The string can't move though.
I know this.
Yet here I was,
willing it to untie.
Hoping it would.
Nothing.
There I would sit
with the mess in my lap.
My fingers fumbling like bear paws.
a maze.
a trap.
Complicated.
Continuously pulling
Continuously reknotting.
Creating havoc upon havoc.

with but one solution. one houdini.

only there.

in the middle of sleep

eyes back and forth

and back

slow breath

fast dreams

i could hear a tiny song

i knew it, it was special to me

and when i woke up

i couldn't remember the notes

i had forgotten the tune

i tried closing my eyes again

real tight

i squeezed them so tight

my eyelashes melted together

i needed to hear it just one more time

i wanted it to crawl back in my ear and stay forever

though

i knew it would only ever live

in the middle of sleep

when my eyes moved back and forth

and i breathed so slow

and my dreams were so fast.

.

up and up

A boat in the sky.
I'll catch it someday, I will.
I'll latch on to it's low-flying anchor
and I'll climb til I reach the top.
What a climb it will be.
the birds will mock
and the airplanes will watch.
But that won't stop my climbing.
my palms will be burnt,
no blood in my biceps.
I will see every city
from my place on the rope.
I will look down to the ocean.
I will evaporate with it
up to the clouds
through the clouds.
Find my boat.
The sky as my company.
So many pulls.
And
after so many hours
so many days
I will reach that boat.
With the last of my strength
and the last of my will.
On board I will stand.
I've no guessing clue
what awaits for me there.
But we'll see,
I guess we'll see.

Give me a boat and I'll sail it.
Give me a class and I'll fail it.
Give me a sock and I'll pair it.
Give me a ring and I'll wear it.

My heart skips to beat it.

All the time in the world would never be enough.
There were some years ahead
little behind
a shortish span. a ticking hand.
perhaps too long
perhaps not at all.
timepiece within reach
a tiny prayer
I hurry here, I hurry there.
blood used to run slow.
but here comes the rush.
never enough
never enough
I have never stopped
I never will
give me time?
I hurry still.
I do see things
to my left and to my right
I watch them,
I watch them blur
a dizzying sight.
The clock ticks so fast,
My heart skips to beat it.
Molasses is the clock
if I'm quick to defeat it.
The hand's paralysis.
A deafening tick.
Beating time,
beat the time.
longer days
cannot quit.
Give me time
and I will sit.

world wide web.

Here I am on this spider web
my arms sprawled against the sticky sticky strings
the beast with the fangs heaving in the corner
I want to pull and tug and thrash
he'll feel me moving
he'll feel me moving then wrap me up
then eat me
I can feel him looking at me
he's waiting, I know
he'll eat me
I can't move
I can barely breathe
perhaps I'll sleep to pass the time
I'll just think of something else
why try
there he is
ready to pounce, ready to eat
stay still darling
stay still
do not move
sleep
pretend
do not move.


stay and "live."
Or jump.
and live.

:/

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

My heart is so so fond right now.




Have a good day at work Nathan, my best friend and most perfect boyfriend.
I hope you check this.
If so, just pretend I am snugging the stuffing out of you right now.
Miss you, love you.
See you Saturday.

found.

All in one car ride.
So much can happen.
A soul can be changed
a path can be found
a light can be seen
a world can flip
I was lost again
who knows where
the road was made of eels.
I felt absolutely nothing.
I was all blurred and scribbled
Then I remembered.
God knows how I did.
I remembered his presence
I remembered eternal joy
I remembered the greater love,
And in that split second
my eyes opened so wide
and my head cleared
and the road was again paved
and I saw it, I saw that beautiful road
I burst
I felt again.
Deep remorse, repentence, peace.
Joy again.
I was made.
I was born.
I was painted.
I saw the world again
I replaced my money centered head
with people in need.
With the city
and with all that truly matters.
Hello again world.
Here we go.


.

trigger.

His wristwatch read 12
From where he stood he could hear bells
A familiar string
A torrential tide of thought rushed his brain
The sound
The sound, he knew
Suddenly the scent of lilacs approached
A drift of hot air
Closing his eyes he could see lips,
a posie,
a moth.
The moth brought his childhood treehouse to the picture
he could feel a splinter
taste bonfire.
He could then see empty bottles
hear slurred "Whaa!"
smell wet leaves.
Wet leaves,
shoving Norman,
whistling at a short skirt.
Train whistles
That train ride
cigarette musk
and coffee stains.
Starbucks
Louise
marriage.
Bells.
12:02
Back.

.

creatures.

In a land where homes contain secrets
and curtains close to seal them in
where the envelope is licked well
and no sounds can escape,
there are creatures.
They somersault in through the vents and the crack under the door.
Then they cartwheel right into the secret's lair.
They then capture the secret
and encase it in the tiniest of bottles
they squish the cork in tight with their itsy bitsy hands.
With glee they place the bottle in their backpack
and snake their way right back outside.
"Hello world." The secret says.
Once the cork has been popped, anyone can know.
The creatures do jumping jacks,
They bathe in their folly.
This land can only contain "secrets".
What is hidden so well behind the curtains,
Under the vests and inside the olive jar
is easily found by the sticky fingered creatures
and will be exposed before you can paint it a mask.

.